a letter
oct 31, 2026
i looked at your website, i love how smart and creative you are. i like how you did a “hidden” page, you used the same heart image too. i’m really glad you’re working on your website again, you were always so excited to show me every time you added something new. i always knew we were so similar but i feel we live the same days even apart. i have the same routine too, check spotify to see what you’re listening to, check your website to see if you’ve added anything, and check my email to see if you’ve written. but can i add to that? it’s constant, i wake up every couple hours throughout the night and i check spotify, your website and my email. constant throughout the day too, i check all three at least 10 times an hour everyday. i think i’ve used spotify more than i ever have. i’m not exactly ashamed to admit that because why would i be? i think most would, but i know i’m obsessive, i know that i love you and i know that you love the same as i do. i’m scared too. i’m scared because i know i’ll never stop loving you. i’m scared because what if you stop loving me? i’m mostly scared because i know we can’t go back to how things were, but i want to try again and i’m scared you never will. it scares me that i only feel calm with you too but being with you also feels so right, all i want is to be around you. holding you and looking into your eyes. and you’re right about not believing this is attachment, it isn’t. it is true obsessive love. something so hard to find, but we have it.
i will always be here, and i will wait. i will continue to change and acknowledge my mistakes (i’m a poet and i didn’t even know it!) sorry… i think we’ve established jokes are okay right? i look forward to your updates, i love you my love.
nov 1, 2026
i feel as if i’m going insane. all i want to do is be near you, i want to hold your big head in my hands, i want to feel your soft hair, i want to smell the air from your nose as you breathe, i want to feel calm. i want you to feel calm.